The Loch Ness Mobster bottoms out on Mars?

cruise ship on Mars, funny story,

Mars was getting weirder.

Their (cruise) ship sat in a lake of golden sap, that had oozed from the glowing green meteor fractures encircling it like gift-wrap. Ella-phantastic trekked across the lake’s surface as if she could walk on water. Golden syrup splashed as she tottered. Her wrinkles had vanished, eminent for an elephant and any scratch or ailment vamoosed as if never presented.

Auburn Snake renamed himself the Loch Ness Mobster, but he was nothing but a pitty thief! He staked his claim on everyone’s food when they turned their eyes (or minds) away, trying to work things out.

‘Be it the meteor crystals that run the ship’s power?’ Quizzed the dragon pirate, Doctor Hue.

‘The food replaces itself as soon as we eat. Is this where rabbit holes lead, or are we still trapped in a trick of the Bermuda triangle, inside an illusory fog?’ Mused the Captain, Fuchsia Pig.

‘What of these powers we be developing that the local… Martians? don’t  have.’ Doctor Hue thought out loud.

Mars’ original inhabitants were as ordinary as their appearance unpleasant. But it didn’t serve one to submit such insults.

Auburn Snake posed precariously, pontificating, ‘to say those Martians are butt-ugly is an insult to bottoms everywhere.’

Auburn Snake screaked as he billowed into a bottom. Bloated ballooning buttocks bounced about the boat. He bulged and rolled until he fell into the lake of golden sap. He flailed in the flaxen fluid, flitting and bobbing to the taste of Party punch. His snaky skin grew a grisly film that surged until it popped. Then Auburn was once again his distasteful slithery self.

Ella-phantastic (usually a benevolent elephant) giggled herself giddy, until her guffaw hee-hawed her into a whimsical whoopee cushion. Captain Fuchsia and Doctor Hue chortled like startled purple turtles. They couldn’t bridle the tidal wave of hilarity that postured their dexterity an unfamiliarity.

Reclaiming their composure Captain Fuchsia and Doctor Hue concluded that consulting the Proboscis tree, the most ancient being on Mars, was a new hope for expertise on returning to Earth. The Proboscis tree, resembled a giant nose, though there was no fruit ripe for the picking.the proboscis tree

Auburn Snake slandered it, ‘the Booger Gum!’

Auburn phlegmed out of the tree’s nose-bridge of discontent. Ew! He’d always been a snotty serpent but snooty superiority was impossible in his serous condition. This nosey schnoz tree was one skillful Martian senior citizen!

‘Yes, I shall take a bough, for that phenomenal performance, before I endow thou with answers of importance ‘ said the Proboscis tree.

Auburn Snake lay, a bogey man’s discharge as the others considered who to climb (and possibly be slimed) inside the nostrils to commune with the Proboscis tree. The pig and the dragon climbed in, the elephant stood guard.

‘The first time it happened I was twelve years old.’ Chimed the tree.

‘What be that…’ but before Doctor Hue finished his thought…

‘A catapulting meteor strike is the quickest hike through the space grub-hole race back to Earth. Are you sure it’s worth rebirth?’ Vibed the tree to the dragon and pig.

‘We might have to wait years for…’ Thought the pig.

To which the tree countered, ‘the next meteor is expected to smite in ten minutes, I’m sure your ship won’t be here after it arrives.’

The gang ran and ran, but the ground matched quicksand. Ella-phantastic carried the slime of snake until she dropped him in the lake. He shed the slime and resurfaced his wily self. The dragon, pig, elephant and snake slid into the galley and waited.

Auburn Snake opened his mouth to say. ‘That snouty tree was full of snot!’ When Mars shook and a low-frequency resonance pervaded their core like an astronomical speaker turned up full score.

A bounty of violet crumbled and mounds of mocha flaked through the golden rough, as they whipped passed the Mars bar, the galaxy rippled the Milky way.

While they dreamed of chocolate, suction engulfed their ship and drew them to the Blue Planet lickety-split. A whopping large whale inhaled the ship. The whale whooped and hemmed and coughed them up quick and with a flutter kick, they whipped by like a spick of oil-slick onto the sea, salty thick.

Nice to be home again.

writing, promptfeatured winner

This is Chapter 4 to be read on its own or click here for Chapter 5 or to start at the beginning click on the Coral the Pig below.

cute, funny, comedy

23 thoughts on “The Loch Ness Mobster bottoms out on Mars?

  1. I love that this has turned into a series. I was hoping we’d get another tale from the eccentric cast of characters. The irony and humour had me giggling along with the journey. I’m glad they made it home, but hope they have many more adventures to come! Thanks for your contribution. I really enjoyed it. I’m going to wait to post it on FF because it will be Featured this week and I’d like to do it in a few hours. Do you want to give me a sentence starter this week – the genre is action/adventure. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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